


catch your tears

by civillove



Series: seblaine week 2k20 [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: 5+1 Things, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:56:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25313461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/civillove/pseuds/civillove
Summary: Seblaine week 2020 - hurt/comfort. Aka: five times that blaine cries and one time sebastian does--Blaine’s always considered himself to be an emotional person, constantly wearing his heart on his sleeves where people can see, where people can reach out and touch or crush if they wanted. His parents always encouraged him say how he felt, to try his best to put feelings into words, to never run away from an emotion no matter how overwhelming it felt. His whole life they never tried to put him into a box, to force him into four walls that didn’t fit his personality or who he was—he understands now that they were helping him break free of what society coins as toxic masculinity.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Series: seblaine week 2k20 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1827478
Comments: 8
Kudos: 86
Collections: Seblaine Week 2020





	catch your tears

**Author's Note:**

> the header i created is somehow sadder than the actual fic. oops. enjoy!   
> additional notes: this is canon divergence--blaine doesn't meat sebastian until he moves to live in new york

Blaine’s always considered himself to be an emotional person, constantly wearing his heart on his sleeves where people can see, where people can reach out and _touch_ or crush if they wanted. His parents always encouraged him say how he felt, to try his best to put feelings into words, to never run away from an emotion no matter how overwhelming it felt. His whole life they never tried to put him into a box, to force him into four walls that didn’t fit his personality or who he was—he understands now that they were helping him break free of what society coins as toxic masculinity.

It’s something he doesn’t notice until much later, until Cooper chokes on tears and waves Blaine’s hands off him by saying he’s ‘crying like a girl’ before he forces himself to stop. He never really realized how uncomfortable other men were at showing emotions freely, especially when he started dating and even after that. One relationship was a two-week fling with a soccer player in high school, who didn’t cry even with a broken arm after he fell on it the wrong way during a match. When Blaine wouldn’t stop worrying, he told him to stop acting like his mother—and it went downhill from there.

Kurt, his last boyfriend, was in touch with his emotions and for the first time in a long time, Blaine actually felt like he could breathe around him. Like there weren’t emotions for them to hide from one another or feel embarrassed about. Blaine learns that his relationship with Kurt has nothing to do with toxic masculinity as much as it has to do with _toxicity_ in general. He’s just happy he was able to move to New York, completely away from that relationship, to start fresh.

He glances around the counter as he hears the door to his apartment opening up, Sebastian dropping off his keys and wallet in the small dish in the hall before making his way to him. He offers a small smile as he cuts vegetables for a stew that is still brewing on the stove.

“Hi,” He whispers, looking up as Sebastian presses into his side and plants a kiss on his forehead. “How was work?”

“Long,” He admits, his hand trailing up and down Blaine’s back. “How did theater hopping go today?” The shorter makes a noise of discontent that he doesn’t intend on following up with words. Sebastian smirks, “That good, huh?”

He doesn’t want to talk about it—he’s tired of going theater to theater looking for work. At this point auditions are wearing on him and while he’s doing something he loves, it’s frustrating when the ‘next big break’ isn’t happening like you pictured in your mind’s eye. He’ll keep going until it happens, it’s only a matter of time.

Sebastian squeezes him, right above his ass with a cheeky wink, before disappearing to their bedroom to change. Sebastian is a relationship he never pictured himself in until it _happened,_ meeting in a bar and drinking too much and sleeping with one another when they barely knew what the other did for a living. But luckily, that turned into a few dates and Blaine was able to work backwards from something that he didn’t usually do and he’s just glad Sebastian was on board with figuring it out.

They’ve been together for a few years now even though they’re still trying to decide what apartment suits them best—Blaine knows Sebastian’s apartment in upper Manhattan is bigger and nicer than his but he’s been having trouble separating himself from his small slice of Brooklyn. His boyfriend’s been a good sport, so far, at least.

Sebastian isn’t the type to hide his own emotions, not the very strong ones anyways—he knows exactly when he’s thrilled about something, when he’s excited, turned on, _frustrated_ is easy to identify too. The messier emotions: disappointment, sadness, anger; those don’t always transpire the same, those are the ones he hasn’t quite figured out yet. Blaine hates to say that he’s used to wading through those blindly with other men but it’s not because Sebastian thinks the emotions are feminine, it’s just…he sees them as _weak._

Blaine dumps carrots into the stew and starts slicing a few sticks of celery.

Sebastian, with his sharp lines and sliver tongue and a smirk that can make just about anyone melt on the spot—does not enjoy being emotionally vulnerable because there’s too much for him to lose. They’re working on it together, as a couple, but Blaine has also settled with the fact that his boyfriend will never be comfortable with wearing his heart on his sleeve. And for the most part? That’s okay. It’s not like Sebastian is actively keeping him at an arm’s length—they have important conversations when they need to, he allows Blaine to offer him comfort when he’s riled up about a case from work or general displeasure with his father who calls occasionally.

But he’s never seen him cry.

Blaine, on the other hand, is a leaky faucet sometimes for any number of reasons.

“Ouch!” He yelps, dropping the knife back onto the cutting board. He turns quickly and nudges the sink on with his elbow, wincing as he runs the stream over his fingers.

“What happened?” Sebastian asks as he walks into the kitchen, pulling a shirt on over his head.

“Nothing just—” A soft noise leaves his lips as he pulls his hand back, fingers shaking as he sees the long slice on his pointer finger. The sting surges up his arm, making his eyes water. He blinks rapidly and sniffles, Sebastian instantly grabbing a paper towel and pulling his hand close to put a soft pressure on it.

“Easy.” He says gently when Blaine tries to pull his hand back. He holds the paper towel there for a few moments before he’s able to get a good look at the cut, “It’s not too deep, you won’t need stiches. Were you dancing to show tunes again at the same time?”

He sniffs and shakes his head, a watery smile tugging at the corners of his lips because “So unfair, I only did that _once.”_

Sebastian smiles a little and kisses his knuckles, putting their hands back in the water before reaching under their sink for a first aid kit. “This will not be an excuse about why you can’t finish dinner so no ‘let’s order a pizza’.”

Blaine pouts but mostly just for the benefit of making Sebastian smirk and watches him patch up his hand, wincing at a Band-Aid being wrapped around his finger. A few fat tears roll down his cheeks and his boyfriend tips his chin, wiping one of them away with the pad of his thumb.

“Crying won’t get you a pizza either.”

A wet laugh leaves his chest and Sebastian pulls him close, squeezing him around his shoulders before he lets him get back to dinner.

\--

**One**

Blaine has been running on empty all week.

He gets himself into these cycles that he has a hard time escaping once he’s in them. It’s not like he does it on purpose but he needs the hours, and without a big headline performance on his part, he’s barely pulling together enough to make ends meet. Sebastian calls it ‘theater hopping’ but it’s more like ‘theater speeding’ because he runs from one theater to another in a span of a few days filling odds and ends jobs.

Sometimes he sells tickets, other times he helps people find their seats, sometimes he’s lucky enough to work behind stage or land a small extra in a performance that runs a few nights in a row. But lately the routine has been running him ragged—he wakes up at five in the morning and sometimes doesn’t get home until midnight depending on the job description and the amount of ‘theater hopping’ he does in one day.

He closes the door to his apartment with his foot, not remembering if Sebastian’s working late or if he’s met him at the right place—lately he’s been having a hard time keeping track of which home they’re sleeping at. They work a schedule that flip flops, most of the time spending nights at Sebastian’s when he’s working on a big case so he’s closer to the law firm but Blaine’s on autopilot and he barely makes it back to his Brooklyn apartment without falling asleep on the subway.

That’s really the last thing he needs.

As he’s pulling off his jacket and toeing off his shoes near the door, his phone starts to vibrate in his pocket. He takes it out, a soft smile just barely tugging the corner of his mouth as he wanders towards the bedroom to change, “Hey, you.”

“You at home?” Sebastian asks, the sound of shuffling heard as he walks.

Blaine chews the inside of his cheek, “If by ‘home’ you mean Brooklyn, then yes. Did I remember the wrong place?”

The taller sighs, long and even—which just tells him ‘yes’, “Okay, I have to catch another subway. Dinner’s going to be cold.”

He hangs up without saying much else or waiting for Blaine to ask what he’s bringing home or, better yet, apologizing for getting the apartments swapped. He doesn’t mean to do it on purpose but even as he changes into a pair of sweatpants and a sweater, he knows that a small argument is brewing over the fact that Sebastian was on his way to _his_ apartment and now has to get another subway into Brooklyn.

He runs a hand over his face and wanders into the kitchen, wanting to make himself tea but not having the energy. Blaine walks over to his couch and turns his TV on, not paying attention to what’s playing but wanting the sound as white noise. He’s going to force a few forkfuls of whatever Sebastian is bringing home and then pass out—the last thing he wants to do is come across as ungrateful over his boyfriend grabbing dinner for them.

Blaine must fall asleep at some point because the next thing he hears is the front door open and close. He jumps a little as Sebastian walks into the living room and sets dinner on the coffee table, continuing into the bedroom to change. He rubs his left eye, a yawn slipping out of his mouth as he blinks at the taco bag that holds their dinner.

One of his favorite places.

He leans forward and pulls out a burrito with a side of nachos and begins eating slowly, the act making him feel more awake than he did in the past few minutes. Sebastian joins him silently, cracking open a beer that he brought from the kitchen before he hands Blaine a bottle of water.

They’re quiet for a few moments, both eating dinner and letting the sound of the TV fill the silence instead of having a conversation. Tension is bubbling at a slow boil between them and Blaine puts his food down when he’s finished before turning to look at him on the couch, needing to say something before the conversation explodes,

“I’m sorry, I didn’t remember that it was your apartment night.”

Sebastian licks his lips, putting his food down as well and wiping his hands off with a napkin. “I’m not mad, it’s fine.”

Except, he’s clearly _not fine_ and Blaine is too tired to sift through the patient quiet and micro-expressions to understand how Sebastian is feeling. Can’t he just be up front about it? “Did work go terribly today?”

He shakes his head, glancing over at him as he takes a sip of beer, “Work was fine, it’s always busy.” He then gets a good look at him, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look terrible.”

“How can I possibly take that the wrong way?” Blaine mumbles, sarcasm hanging heavily on his words as he rubs at the back of his neck. “I’m tired. This week has been…long. I think I need to quit one of the theater jobs but I’m…I’m worried about doing it,” He admits, his voice pinching with emotion as an overwhelming sense of exhaustion washes over him like a wave, “I have bills to pay, this apartment isn’t cheap.”

“You know what would be cheap? Not paying rent on an apartment you don’t need.”

And he knows that isn’t supposed to be rude, he’s not even snapping at him or saying it in a way that would warrant him being upset—Sebastian’s just stating a fact, as he often does in arguments, which probably stems from being a lawyer. He presents things as they are, with little to no emotion and while it doesn’t usually bother him, this time it seems to hit directly in his chest and _hurt._

He’s quiet, turning his head away as he stares at the TV for so long that his eyes start to water. What Sebastian doesn’t understand is that this apartment is a part of him; it sounds so cheesy to say out loud that this Brooklyn apartment is his fresh start. That moving to New York from Ohio and away from Kurt and everything he thought he would be has settled into the walls of this place. It means something to him, to live here, and even though he doesn’t mind the idea of moving to Sebastian’s Manhattan loft, that it’ll probably be a decision that he eventually makes—that doesn’t take away that this apartment holds a certain sentimental value.

Those thoughts combined with his lack of sleep and frustration from too many jobs that don’t mean enough swirl like a hurricane in his chest until there’s nothing left but broken things. He makes no noises as tears slip down his cheeks, quickly wiping them away so Sebastian doesn’t see.

But of course, he does, can tell when the demeanor shifts instantly around his boyfriend. His shoulders become softer as he moves across the couch, gently touching Blaine’s arm so that he’ll look at him.

“Hey,” He mumbles, voice gentle as his thumb rubs circles on his wrist, “Come on, you know I didn’t mean it like that.” And Blaine believes him, “You know I hate to see you cry, B.”

“I’m n-not doing it on p-purpose,” He chokes out, the sound breaking like a dam inside of him as emotions roll out. He tries to wipe his face, to pull away to go to bed or the bathroom, somewhere that’s not on this couch. His cheeks tint the softest shades of pink, “I’m just so _exhausted.”_

“C’mere,” Sebastian whispers, tugging him even though Blaine isn’t making it easy. He adjusts himself on the cushions so that his long legs are spread out in front of him, leaning back against the arm of the couch.

Blaine settles against his chest, fitting perfectly between his legs as a blanket is pulled down over top of his shoulders. Sebastian trails an open hand up and down his back, leaning forward to press a kiss to his forehead as breaths hiccup in the shorter’s chest.

“Shh,” He says against his hairline, nose dipping into wild curls as Blaine sniffles, his one hand gathering up the material of Sebastian’s shirt. “We can fight about the apartment tomorrow. Get some sleep.” He teases, his hand reaching down to squeeze the swell of Blaine’s ass.

“Right here?” He asks, tipping his head to look at him.

Sebastian smiles and nods, brushing their noses together before kissing him, “Right here.”

That’s all his boyfriend has to say before he nuzzles into his chest, the shell of his ear right over the consistent beating of Sebastian’s heart. Blaine’s asleep within minutes.

\--

**Two**

Sometimes Blaine has a hard time remembering that no matter how much things change; they tend to stay the same. That even though he made it out of close-minded Ohio and traveled to New York where everything _feels_ more open and accepting—that not everyone, unfortunately, holds the same viewpoints.

He’s had pretty decent luck with people offering small smiles in their direction or, even better, ignoring them as if they’re any _other_ couple because they are but he thinks that’s what lulls him into a false sense of comfortability every time. Over the course of a few hiccups in his life, he’s developed a thick skin where it matters the most. People’s opinions, especially the wrong ones, don’t have to mean anything. He takes them in but he doesn’t internalize them, he doesn’t keep hateful words or thoughts against his ribcage, lets them free and doesn’t think about them more than twice.

But that doesn’t mean they hurt any less.

Most of the time, it doesn’t bother him, not really—but this time, it does. The words stick to his skin even after he pulls Sebastian away from doing something ridiculous. They were walking to the subway after a date, wrapped up in one another and it’s not like they were doing anything obscene (which, again, the fact that he has to justify his lifestyle isn’t _fair._ Even if they were, they have the right to—just like any other couple). Sebastian’s arms were around him and he was tugging him close, making him laugh, nuzzling kisses into the side of his neck—

When someone threw a cigarette butt at them at a crosswalk and seethed out the word _faggots_ heatedly enough to set them on fire. It’s not the word that hits Blaine, not really anyways, he’s used to hearing it sometimes when he encounters bigots and it rolls off his skin easily enough. But when he turns his head to look at the man who’s said it, it’s the _look_ in his eyes that hurts the most.

It’s blinding hate, dark and sizzling and it digs under his skin and threatens to burrow—to plant seeds of doubt and an alien feeling like he doesn’t belong, like he somehow deserves the words being said.

“The fuck did you just say?” Sebastian asks and goes to step forward because that’s his boyfriend’s knee-jerk reaction; to get involved, especially if Blaine is there.

Before something can get started, because the guy who spits the word at them in the first place looks happy to get into an altercation and grins when Sebastian gets in his face, Blaine yanks him down the street.

“He’s not worth it,” He says hurriedly, his boyfriend struggling a little against his touch, eyes blazing into the man he’s dragging him away from, “Please, stop.”

“Yeah you better listen to your twink,” He yells after them, a muscle beginning to twitch in Sebastian’s jaw as the words fall on them like acid rain. Blaine’s lucky enough to get him closer to the subway steps so that he can’t turn around and throw a punch.

The last place he wants to spend tonight is in the E.R.—especially after such a nice date.

Blaine runs a hand over his face as they walk down the steps, moving through the turnstile and waiting patiently for their subway to pull up in front of them. According to the blinking sign above one of the benches, they just missed the one they needed, so it’s going to take another ten minutes.

He’s quiet as he stands there, wrapping his arms around himself as he waits. The station always has a smoggy heat to it, even in the winter and he can feel a shiver working its way down his spine at the temperature change. Sebastian is pacing a little, dispelling pent up nervous energy so he can calm himself down—the problem is that he’s talking at the same time, riling himself up more than he needs to be.

“You should have let me say something to him.”

Blaine shakes his head, not dignifying that with a response—he knows better. Sometimes Sebastian just needs to rant.

“I can’t believe there are people like him still saying shit like that. At what point does the word ‘faggot’ become obsolete, I feel like I’m in fucking high school.” He snaps like a crackling fire, the word digging further under Blaine’s skin so much that he flinches when Sebastian says it.

“People are ignorant of what they don’t know or want to understand,” He says quietly, barely above the roar of an oncoming subway car that’s not theirs. “There will always be people like that no matter how much it feels like there won’t be.”

He sniffs and looks down at his shoes, trying to shake the man’s look out of his mind’s eye. The _hatred_ that spurned there wrapping around his bones like ivy—he doesn’t understand how he could possibly hate someone like that. Especially someone he didn’t know? Blaine could never—

He jumps a little when Sebastian touches his shoulder and quickly waves him off, blinking tears out of his eyes, “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not,” He argues, his hand moving to gently clasp onto his elbow and pull him close. “I should have kicked his ass when I had the chance.”

“That’s not even close to what I want,” Blaine nearly snaps, his voice a frustrated bundle of nerves as he looks at his boyfriend. He can feel himself shaking, vibrating with too many emotions that are threatening to spill over.

He lets out a short breath as Sebastian watches him quietly, a few other subways across the station zooming past with shrill breaks and shaking the white tiled walls. He squeezes himself around his middle like that will help keep himself together but he has to turn his face away from Sebastian as the tears slip down his cheeks.

Blaine quickly wipes the one side of his face, glad that their side of the subway platform isn’t too busy at this time of night. No unwanted gazes or unwarranted commentary readily thrown his way. He hardly cries in public, never really allows himself to, but the inside of him is aching from the interaction on the sidewalk.

“What do you want then?” Sebastian asks gently, his hand slipping down Blaine’s spine to rest on his lower back. He rubs his thumb back and forth, waiting patiently, kissing his temple and offering touch where his words can’t reach.

Sebastian’s always been so good at that—despite being a really excellent lawyer and words rolling off his tongue like he’s invented the English language, he’s constantly been so much better at touch. It’s the easiest for him to communicate this way, to offer comfort, to convey what syllables can’t.

So instead of responding, Blaine just turns until he presses himself into the other’s chest. Sebastian’s arms instantly wrap him up against his body, squeezing him and massaging the muscles of his shoulders. He tucks his chin, pressing kisses where he can reach, especially along Blaine’s tear-stained cheek.

He holds onto him even after their subway train arrives, keeping him close as they sit on the long ride home.

\--

**Three**

Blaine can't remember the last time both he and Sebastian had nights off together. They both have pretty complicated and busy schedules, especially his boyfriend who sometimes gets so wrapped up in a case that he doesn’t leave the law offices for extended periods at a time. So Blaine cherishes quiet downtime in moments that he can curl up with Sebastian on his couch and put a movie in—

And unfortunately for Sebastian, it’s his turn to pick the film.

“I’m so tired of rom coms,” Sebastian huffs as he settles onto the couch. They’re in his Manhattan loft so the couch is a bit bigger than Blaine’s—lots of room for mountains of pillows and throw blankets (just as he likes it).

“It’s not a rom com, it’s strictly a romance movie. And I don’t want to hear it!” He huffs as he presses ‘play’ from the DVD menu and settles down on the black leather, a pile of pillows between them, “We just watched the _SAW_ series because _you_ wanted to, you cheater.”

Sebastian shrugs his one shoulder, “I think you liked them.”

Blaine scrunches his nose, leaning back into the cushion, petting Sebastian’s cat when he jumps onto his lap, “It’s like you don’t know me at all. Half the time I was watching it against your shoulder because I couldn’t take the gore.”

“Other times you were asleep, which, still impressive you were able to doze through noises like hack saws and screaming.”

A soft blush touches his cheeks because what? he’s always been a heavy sleeper. Besides, each of those films were like…two hours long. He was _glad_ to sleep through most of them.

“Regardless, it’s my turn. So we’re going to watch _Ever After,_ who doesn’t love Drew Barrymore?”

Sebastian rolls his eyes but says nothing, pulling his legs up onto his couch and stealing his cat so he can pet him between his ears. Blaine smiles gently, watching him for a few moments before he lays down against his side and tugs a blanket up and over his shoulders.

The movie isn’t too long and the subject is light, which Blaine feels like they both need after stressful work weeks. He makes popcorn at one point and tries not to eat the whole bowl and Sebastian scrunches his nose at some of the scenes that play out before them even though they’re not _that_ bad. Sometimes Sebastian likes to stick his opinion where it doesn’t belong and honestly? they’ve both seen other terrible renditions of a Cinderella type story. Comparatively, this isn’t that hard to swallow.

Blaine notices when Sebastian purposely bites the tip of his tongue so he doesn’t ruin the movie for him and he snickers a little into his shoulder before pressing a kiss to the very same spot.

The ending always seems to gather him up in an emotional twister, pulling on his heart strings. He loves big romantic gestures and there’s just _something_ about the music swelling as two people who are meant to be together kiss. Blaine sighs softly and sniffles, snuggling closer to Sebastian who glances down at him with a soft, amused huff.

“Are you crying?”

“No,” He mumbles and quickly wipes his cheeks even though so much already gives him away, especially the tear spots left behind on Sebastian’s gray t-shirt.

He can feel the taller rolling his eyes even though he’s not looking at him, “Are you serious?” He tips his chin and thumbs away a tear, “Such a sap,” He teases. “Next thing I know you’ll be crying over those dog adoption commercials on TV.”

He feels himself pouting and Sebastian moves his hand so that his thumb can tug at his lower lip, “That’s hardly fair,” Blaine replies even though he most definitely _is_ one of those people who tear up at those and Sebastian knows that.

The taller shakes his head, “You’re ridiculous, Anderson. The acting for this movie isn’t even believable enough to cry over.”

Blaine sits up a little, his mouth resembling a small ‘o’, “That’s so not true!” He laughs a little, can’t help himself as he shoves Sebastian’s chest, “The acting is perfect. You’re just heartless.”

Sebastian takes advantage of the hand on him and steals his proximity, tugging him until Blaine is smack against his body, their noses brushing. “Oh am I?” He asks even though they both know the response to that question, Sebastian taking his time to nip at Blaine’s lower lip with his own.

Blaine hums, kissing him gently, “I look forward to your dissertation on proving me wrong.”

“Lucky for me,” He grins and manipulates Blaine’s body so he’s lying down on the couch and Sebastian’s sunk between his legs, tugging his shirt up to kiss his stomach. He shivers, running his hand through the other’s hair as Sebastian’s mouth hovers over his clothed cock, “I won’t need to use any words.”

\--

**Four**

Blaine knows the love that comes from owning a pet but what’s hard is that it also includes loss. It has to at one point, because life is fast and often too short. He remembers the first time his dog died when he was younger, how much he’d cried and couldn’t process where his golden retriever had really gone. It gets easier with age, sometimes, but he still misses that goofy, sunny dog that always brought him sticks from the creek behind his childhood home.

He’s had a few dogs in-between then and cats and one hamster and saying goodbye isn’t any easier with practice. He’s been too busy to own a pet once moving to New York, even though he always wants one, and gets used to Sebastian’s cat when he visits and stays over. He makes the mistake of loving the thing like his own, which just makes it that much harder when she passes away.

Sebastian’s upset, to say the least, but he also knew this was coming. He took his cat to the vet a few weeks ago only to learn that she had cancer, so he was preparing himself for the very moment where he’d lose her.

Still, his boyfriend is doing better than he is, which he supposes shouldn’t surprise him. Sebastian’s ridiculously good at processing his emotions and moving on, while Blaine tends to let his feelings overwhelm him like a wave that sits in his bones until they decide to leave him. His grandmother always used to tell him that emotions were like visitors, they should come and go—Blaine hasn’t quite grasped the ‘go’ part yet.

So he pouts, deals with things in his own way, takes a few days off to mil around at home before he gets back to the grind. He’s not comfortable staying at Sebastian’s place, which his boyfriend understands, but a week pasts and he’s still not spending the night.

Sebastian tells him that he gets it but there’s also the tiniest pinch in his voice when he says other things like ‘cats are really good at masking their symptoms until it’s too late’. Because it’s been a week and why isn’t Blaine over this yet? He never asks that but it’s what it feels like when Sebastian tries to coax him into spending the night at his place.

Eventually he warms up to the idea, listening to Sebastian come through the front door, home from a later workday. Blaine glances at the time on his phone before putting it on the nightstand, ten PM, and turns onto his side to press his face into the other’s pillow.

“A little later than usual,” He says into the fabric when Sebastian shifts the bedroom door open, moving towards the closet to get some clothes to change into.

“Busy,” Is all Sebastian says and Blaine listens to him move about the room before he finally settles on the bed next to him. He puts his hand against his side, moving up to rest it on his neck, thumb drawing underneath his chin.

Blaine lets out a long sigh but doesn’t open his eyes, turning his face into the touch and planting a kiss against the warmth of Sebastian’s hand. “I’m glad you’re home.” He whispers.

Sebastian hums and returns a kiss on Blaine’s forehead, “Are you feeling any better?” Because he knows, despite not agreeing with him, that he’s still sad about his cat.

“I know you think it’s stupid,” He mumbles, opening up his hazel eyes to fix upon green ones, “But she was a part of our little family.”

“I do _not_ think it’s stupid,” Sebastian says quickly, shaking his head. “I just hate seeing you upset.”

He covers the hand that’s on his neck, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles, “I know. I’ll be fine,” He sits up and leans against the headboard, drawing his hands over his face. “I just need…” Blaine trails off, trying to figure out how to word this, “Something else to keep me busy, to put my heart into.”

The taller hums and slips off the bed, leaning down to fiddle with something on the floor. Before Blaine can lean over to see what he’s doing, he stands back up and puts something heavy and gray onto the bedspread.

“Good thing I picked her up on the way home.”

His jaw nearly falls onto the comforter because it’s a _cat_ who instantly starts mewling when Sebastian sits next to him on the bed, petting under her chin. Blaine doesn’t know what to say for a few moments, a wide smile breaking over his face as he leans forward and begins petting her. She’s eager for attention, bumping her head and nose into his palm, purring loudly.

“You—” He can’t even finish his thought, looking up at Sebastian with wide eyes.

His boyfriend smiles, licking his lips, “Her name is Luna and she was abandoned at a pet shelter nearby. She’s sweet, I’ve been visiting her for the past few days and finally decided to bring her home. Mostly so you stop moping.”

Blaine lets out a wet laugh that somehow sneaks up on him, tears welling in his eyes over the thoughtful gesture and how _sweet_ this cat is. He can’t believe someone didn’t want her, but then again, he supposes he’s just glad they did the responsible thing by bringing her to a shelter. Sebastian knows him so well; knows he’d rather have a pet that’s not as adoptable—an older cat compared to a kitten who might easily find a home.

“I love her,” He whispers, rubbing the back of his wrist over a tear track on his cheek. “She’s perfect.”

Sebastian hums, inching closer to Blaine on the bed, watching as Luna rolls onto her back—letting Blaine pet her stomach while she plays with a loose string on the comforter. “Good addition to our little family, wouldn’t you agree?”

When Blaine looks up, Sebastian’s chin is tilted down at him, pressing a kiss to the bridge of his nose. He sniffles and nods, hazel eyes shining with happiness as he leans into his side when an arm is wrapped around his shoulder to pull him close.

\--

**Five**

Within the last week, Sebastian’s been coming home later and later. It’s not that Blaine minds, sometimes he gets home late too depending on what theater schedule he’s on. He ends up falling asleep with Luna and waking up pressed into Sebastian’s side, so really, he’s not complaining. He _is_ worrying that Sebastian’s working too much because when he does get to see him, he’s cranky, short and evasive. It’s not that he’s…mean, per say, but Blaine knows better than to try and pry when he’s working through what must be a hard case.

He wants to confront Sebastian, to talk about something he must be struggling with, but he doesn’t know how to approach him, “Do you think I should offer to help?” Blaine asks into his phone, holding it against his shoulder with his ear.

Cooper makes a noise before ticking his tongue off the roof of his mouth, “Oh sorry, I didn’t realize you were being serious,” Blaine rolls his eyes, “How exactly are you going to offer to help, squirt?”

Blaine pauses for a moment, chewing on his lower lip as he cuts a tomato for homemade tacos. How _would_ he help exactly? It’s a good question. “I dunno, I could be like a secretary or something. Offer to help organize or just…I don’t _know_ Cooper; this is why I’m asking you.”

His brother sighs, shifting what sounds like paper on his end, “How long do court cases even last anyways?” Ever since Cooper played an extra on that one _Law and Order_ episode he acts like he knows how the real system works, but Blaine bites his tongue, “I’m sure it’ll be over before you know it and he’ll tell you what was really going on.”

Blaine pushes around pieces of stray onion that have fallen off his cutting board with the tip of the knife he’s using, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’m just not used to him being so distant.”

“Late nights, irritability, distancing—least it’s work-related and he’s not cheating on you,” His brother says quickly and Blaine all but drops the vegetable he’s cutting onto the floor. He blinks because no, no of course it’s not _that._ Sebastian wouldn’t do that to their relationship.

Cooper interprets his silence in the exact right way, “Shit, Blaine, I wasn’t actually implying that Sebastian was cheating on you.”

“I know,” Blaine says quickly, clearing his throat, “He’s not. It’s just…I don’t think that he is.”

Cooper doesn’t realize that his and Sebastian’s relationship started off a little rocky and he doesn’t need to know because that’s not what’s going on here, not after all this time. They had trouble defining what they meant to one another—whether they were friends, friends who fucked around, if going on dates was a _thing_ that meant something, if they were pursuing an actual relationship where they were no longer seeing other people…

It was rough, to say the least, but the difficulty had been _worth_ it. Once they were on the same page, everything happened so much easier and they haven’t had a single problem in the years after that.

Cheating is _not_ what this is—Blaine knows Sebastian, better than anyone. And vice versa.

“Listen, I gotta go. I have to finish dinner.”

Cooper hums on the other end and taps a pen noisily against his desk, “You let me know if you need me to get my ass over to New York. I will, you know, even from L.A. I got contacts begging me for some billboards in Times Square.”

Blaine rolls his eyes but smiles gently at the sentiment, “Right, thanks Coop.” And hangs up the phone, concentrating on the dinner he’s trying to make before Sebastian walks through the door.

As if on cue, he hears the patter of his boyfriends socked feet as he wanders into the kitchen, breathing in the scent of chicken thighs marinating in the crockpot for their tacos. Blaine offers a small smile, reaching for Sebastian’s hand in order to kiss his knuckles,

“Hey, you look exhausted.”

Sebastian lets out a short breath but turns his hand so that his fingers are gently brushing Blaine’s cheek. “Understatement. Dinner almost ready?”

“I just have to finish cooking these veggies and it will be,” He chews on his lower lip, wanting more than anything to bridge the gap between them—but he doesn’t want to get snapped at for prying either. “Works been hard on you lately, hmm?”

There’s a visible swallow that Blaine catches and the pregnant pause is nearly too much for him to handle, fingers starting to shake even though he easily hides it by cutting up a few more veggies for the frying pan. Something feels weird in Sebastian’s gaze, tension settling like fog around them, making it seem harder to breathe.

“There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

Blaine does _not_ like where this is going, his nerves from the conversation with Cooper suddenly fraying a little more at the tone of his voice. “Okay,” He whispers, waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for Sebastian to tell him that something in their relationship isn’t working.

He’s suddenly happy that he’s kept his Brooklyn apartment and hasn’t buckled into giving it up. He might need it.

“I need your attention,” Sebastian says for a moment, stilling his hand on the cutting board. “This is something I’ve been thinking about for a while.”

Emotion begins to clog at Blaine’s throat hard enough that it feels like it might choke him but he gives the attention Sebastian wants, nonetheless. He turns almost too quickly, bumping into the handle of his knife and sends it cluttering to the floor. Blaine jumps back out of instinct even though he’s clear from the blade.

“I got it,” Sebastian says, motioning for him to keep still as he kneels to pick it up.

Blaine sighs, running a hand over his face, pinching the bridge of his nose because he can’t believe this is happening—

“Look if you can’t find it, just leave it,” Blaine mumbles as he realizes that Sebastian still hasn’t gotten up—it must have tumbled underneath the island table.

“S’fine, I need to be down here anyways.”

He scrunches his nose, pulling his hand away from his face so that he can look down at…should he start calling him his ex if he’s going to break up with him? And he nearly loses his footing because Sebastian is holding up a small, black velvet box with a ring in it.

He’s not…he’s not breaking up with him he’s—

“You’re—” He can barely form his head around it, a soft smile tugging Sebastian’s lips before he clears his throat.

“As I said, I’ve been thinking about this for a while. And work has been up my ass crazy, and not in a fun way like we were in the bedroom last Sunday,” Blaine shakes his head, covering his mouth as his cheeks rush red at the memory but bites his tongue on saying anything, “I wanted this to be perfect but it’s fucking messy.”

He looks up at him, green eyes meeting hazel and Blaine suddenly feels so _stupid_ because he can read his gaze so easily—why would he ever think he was breaking up with him?

“But that’s okay, we are too, a little bit. You and me.” Sebastian smiles, running his other hand through his hair, “There's really not a universe in which I deserve you, but I’m hoping you’ll let me keep you anyways.”

A soft noise leaves Blaine’s lips, tears quickly filling his eyes even though he tries to blink them away, “Yes,” He interrupts, “So many times yes.”

Sebastian chuckles gently, “So impatient, you’re not going to even let me ask you first?”

Blaine sniffles and shakes his head even though he reaches his hand out for Sebastian to take and slip the ring on, the taller squeezing his fingers after.

“Will you marry me, Blaine Anderson?”

He throws his arms around his shoulders as Sebastian stands, fingers gathering up the collar of his work shirt, pressing his lips and nose into his collarbone. “Of course, yes.” He says again, voice muffled against the material.

Sebastian chuckles, his hands sliding down Blaine’s back and settling on his hips as he pulls back. They share a soft kiss tinged with Blaine’s tears, Sebastian taking special care to kiss them away after their lips break.

They’re quiet for a few long moments, enjoying one another’s warmth, their foreheads pressed together as a few more kisses are interchanged.

Then, “You thought I was going to break up with you, didn’t you.” Sebastian says and it’s definitely not a question.

Blaine blushes the color of scarlet and pulls away, finding another knife to finish their dinner. “That’s…absurd, I would never think that.”

Sebastian snorts but doesn’t reply, getting them out a bottle of wine to celebrate.

\--

**+One**

They set the wedding for next December and even though Cooper tells him that’s a _horrible_ idea because weather is unpredictable and holidays are crazy, Blaine can’t help but be excited about the concept of snow. It’s early in December, not too close to Christmas or New Years, so he hopes that helps…but it’s _his_ wedding, so he can be a little selfish, right?

It doesn’t take long for Blaine to start planning things, even with one full year to go, but having less to do on his list is better than feeling overwhelmed later. Sebastian helps him, obviously, with picking a venue, deciding on a caterer, DJ and addressing invitations.

His parents are thrilled and they fly from Ohio to have dinner with them and offer any help that they can. Blaine’s lucky, he’s always had supportive parents, even with horrible boyfriends and teenage decisions. Both of them are more than thrilled with the news that he and Sebastian are getting married that his mom nearly cries into her tiramisu. Cooper promises that he’s going to fly down in the New Year to help him with a bunch of things that don’t need settled on until closer to their date but it’s hard telling his brother ‘no’.

Blaine just hopes it’s not too painful or that Cooper doesn’t try to talk him out of the theme or colors that he and Sebastian have already decided on.

Blaine wonders if he’ll ever get used to calling him his fiancé, or better yet, his _husband_ when the time comes. It’s a thought that keeps him warm on even the coldest of nights.

Shedding his beanie and scarf, he shivers as he walks through the revolving doors to Sebastian’s law office and clutches the bag of food he’s brought for dinner. He waves at Jerry, one of the security officers he’s come to know,

“I don’t think it’s going to stop snowing any time soon.”

Jerry lets out a huff and buzzes Blaine through after checking his bag, “Should have moved to Florida.”

Blaine smiles, digging him out a taco from his bag with a satisfied noise, “But then who’s going to bring you tacos in Florida?”

Jerry lets out a big-belly laugh before waving him towards the set of elevators that will take him to Sebastian’s floor, “That tall smarmy man doesn’t deserve you, Blaine Anderson.”

He grins over his shoulder, taking off his gloves with his teeth to stick in his pockets, “Oh I know. I remind him about that often.” He calls out as he gets into an open elevator and pokes at the desired floor number.

Blaine walks into a law space that’s black glass and cherry wood, the late-night hour not putting many people in their offices. He knows the location to Sebastian’s office like the back of his hand, opening the door to find Sebastian leaning over the side of his desk, palms flat on the surface.

“No, I don’t think I’ll need to talk to you again about this.” He snaps as he ends a call, ripping the Bluetooth earpiece away from his face and tossing it across the top of his desk.

Blaine pauses, not meaning to interrupt and he can tell that Sebastian is about to turn and snap at him—but then doesn’t when he realizes it’s Blaine and not another co-worker. “Sorry,” He whispers, moving to set the bag down on Sebastian’s desk, careful not to place it on any paperwork. “I just…I brought dinner.”

Sebastian lets out a long sigh before nodding, running a hand over his face. He doesn’t move from his spot against his desk, fingers curling into the wood. The angle of his back creates a long, crisp line of his spine in the white button-down shirt he has on and Blaine hesitates to touch him because his fiancé is like exposed wire when he’s upset. He slowly takes off his coat and sets it down on the couch before carefully wrapping his arms around Sebastian’s waist from behind.

Sebastian says nothing as he leans up, straightening his posture and closing his eyes to Blaine’s touch. His hands settle against his wrists, rubbing at his forearms until Blaine pulls back. Sebastian turns, sitting on the edge of his desk to give him his full attention.

“Case?” Blaine guesses but Sebastian shakes his head.

He’s patient, letting the silence stretch between them—the last thing Blaine wants to do is force him to talk before he’s ready. So he waits as long as he has to, taking one of Sebastian’s hands into his, running his thumb over the golden band that matches his own.

The taller clears his throat, eyes red and wet with an unspoken emotion, a feeling that Blaine does not often get to help him through because he always wants to go about it alone. “My father is not coming to our wedding.”

He lets his sentence sit in the air for a while and Blaine gives a short nod because…he’s not surprised. While his parents are the picture of support, Sebastian’s are almost the opposite. He doesn’t have a good relationship with them, strained and fractured in so many ways that it’s beyond repair. His mother isn’t too hard to talk to but his father is an immovable wall, strong cement to the point where Blaine understands where Sebastian gets his stubbornness from.

“He says he won’t be available,” He laughs but it’s painful sounding and wet. Blaine takes a step forward, both of his hands holding one of Sebastian’s now, “That he’ll be on a business trip in France that can’t be moved or canceled but we both know that’s bullshit. He just doesn’t want to see his gay son get married.”

His voice is strangled and _hurt_ to the point where Blaine’s chest aches—Sebastian doesn’t deserve to be in this much pain and he wishes there were something he could do to help.

“I’m so sorry,” Blaine whispers, tilting his head, trying to capture those green eyes with his own. “It’s his loss.”

“I know that,” Sebastian snaps, voice heated because it’s his knee-jerk reaction to do so. To push Blaine away instead of letting him in. He swallows, closing his eyes like it helps him take in a controlled breath before he shakes his head. “Sorry.”

Blaine nods gently, he knows he is and he’s not about to be upset with Sebastian’s misplaced anger towards his non-accepting father. Especially for his wedding day. Instead, he presses himself up on his toes and wraps his arms around his shoulders. Sebastian folds into him easily, face finding his shoulder and breathing him in, fingers digging into his back like he needs to ground himself in this moment.

He can feel tears seep into the collar of his shirt, the gentle trembling of his body as he cries and Blaine tries his best to offer as much comfort as Sebastian’s willing to take. He doesn’t pull away until Sebastian drops his arms, turning his face away from his gaze like he doesn’t want Blaine to see the tear tracks there.

He bites his tongue on saying that he’s never seen Sebastian so open or beautiful, fingers itching to wipe his cheeks. He lets him clean himself up, moving to unpack dinner that he’s brought, hoping it’s still warm enough to enjoy.

Blaine settles down on the couch Sebastian keeps in his office, his fiancé eventually joining him with the paperwork he has to finish so they can go home. It’s a few minutes into eating, Blaine letting Sebastian concentrate, not offering details about the big part he thinks he’s found at a theater in Manhattan until they’re on the way home.

The taller sneaks a look at him, a soft smile forming on his face as he watches Blaine munch on a burrito, “I love you; you know.”

Blaine swallows his food, a slow but wide smile spreading across his face to match Sebastian’s. “I know but you can always keep saying it.”

Sebastian chuckles softly and leans back into the couch, reaching for Blaine’s hand as he holds a document in his other to look over. He rubs his thumb over his ring, “That shouldn’t be too hard.”

\--

Blaine may be the type of person who wears his heart on his sleeve but he’s thankful to realize that his marriage doesn’t have a lot of crying…unless it’s from another rom com, Sebastian tickling him until he can’t breathe, or a surprise for an anniversary.

He wants only happy tears from now on.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!


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